November Loathing

Dear Madonna,

Eleven reasons why I hate November - and how I'm dealing.

1. Those damned poppies.  No disrespect to Rembrance Day, Canadian veterans, nor the sacrifices of all the armed forces and their families, but Dad died on November 11, 1991 - and the first siting of those little red lapel pins  always throws me into a reverie of loss...of Dad, of Mom, and of Mike.

But I still wear one.  I don't buy it from a box on the counter of my local Starbucks. I go to one of the vets and have him pin it to my coat, next to my heart and I look him in the eyes and say "thank you".

2. Pedestrians aren't safe.  The news, yesterday, of four people being hit by cars (two died) was reason to remind everyone of the stats.  Every day in Toronto pedestrians are hit by cars and there's a noticeable spike in November, with the shorter days, and recently there's been rain and wet leaves on the roads.

I'm taking extra care, wearing my orange coat, and crossing at intersections, with the lights.

3. People are sad.  I've been pretty teary myself lately and it seems I'm not alone.  There's also a spike in people seeking help (SSRI's) for depression this time of year. 

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) has been running a "Defeat Denial" campaign for the last year or so - urging people to get help when they need it.  This is a good thing. (See also #5)

4. It's so gloomy!  It hasn't helped that at time of writing we're still getting over Superstorm Sandy and haven't seen the sun in days, but the daylight hours are dwindling, and will continue to do so all this month until the Winter Solstice in December.

Candles!!  A new ritual is in order, along the lines of what they do at Westin hotels, or the charming "cinq a sept" tradition in Quebec - a time to separate and move from the work-day pressures into a relaxing evening mood.
Candles, I say.

5.  Mourning Mike.  My youngest brother also died in November, and though it wasn't an overdose, drugs and his addiction had taken much of him away from us for many years.

Since Mike's death I've forged a relationship with CAMH and my "dance family" has rallied in support of fundraising efforts every year.  Many of my friends have their own personal reasons for giving generously. I'm just glad we can do something for those still suffering.

6.  Hose.  No, not the kind that delivers water to put out a fire; the kind you have to wear on your legs in cold weather.  Ever since working from home - and *not* working in a hotel - I've been free from the discomfort and tyranny of a panti-hose dress code. (Would you believe at the Sutton Place woman weren't even allowed to wear pants?  My boss, Doreen, changed that!)

Boots - how I love thee!  I can (sometimes) get away with no hose if only my knees are exposed between boot top and hemline. And I feel sexy and somehow stronger wearing boots than in, say, sandles.

7.  End-of-Year Anxiety.  All those things I wanted to accomplish this year? There's no way I'm going to get them done in the next two months.

Prioritize.  This is an opportunity to decide what's really important and what isn't and to let what isn't GO. Without guilt, without regret. Life's too short. (Easier said than done, I know.)

8.  Christmas Blend - blech!  Most people who know me well know that I'm a bit of a Starbucks afficiondado. (Some would use anther 'A' word).  Starting at the beginning of November the in-store marketing changes from "everything pumpkin" to red Christmas cups, signage - and they start serving my least favourite dark roast.

I can spend the extra $ and get a customized Komodo Dragon on the Clover at my favourite Starbucks (the old Lichtman's book store) OR I can start frequenting some of the other coffee places in my neighbourhood - turning it into a bit of a discovery tour, taking a journal with me and using the new environment as a creative catalyst.

9.  Having to choose between CASH Bash and the U.S. Open.

Okay, so I've only ever been to the Open once, with my old partner, "The Meat" a couple of years ago. My new partner, Larry, and I weren't really contemplating it for this year, but I did have to decide between going to the annual dance event in Cleveland with my dance family, and attending an annual reunion with my *real* family - whom I've never even met!  Andy and Tara will be there, but I won't know anyone else, and - get this - there's another Julie Epplett!! Should be freaky.

10.  Christmas-is-coming Angst.  Nothing like End-of-year Anxiety, this is about the expectations and pressures to be part of some big, happy holiday tradition that seems so alien to me, now. I remember adding the box of Christmas decorations to items going up for auction when cleaning out my parents' house, declaring grimly (and Grinch-like) that there will be no more  Christmas.  But like the Grinch, I've found there's no escape. It starts this week, with the afore-mentioned Christmas Blend, and then come the obligatory business lunches and receptions where polite conversation always turns to "What are you doing for the holidays?"

I have options, yes - and invitations - but my heart/head isn't in the right place to accept them. Instead I gird my loins and do my best to embrace the things I still love about the season: personal Christmas cards (so rare these days!), Christmas lights (the city looks so beautiful at night!), finding and giving gifts to the special people in my life.

11. My view. I love the view from my 18th floor condo, looking east over Rosedale and the Don Valley all the way to The Beach, with a sliver of Lake Ontario in the distance. In October it's a glorious riot of crimsons, oranges and golds. Come November the colours are all a bit muted, and the leaves have started to disappear entirely.

There is beauty in change. In the last few years I've had to accept changes in my own body and find the "new" beauty in the mirror. As the leaves continue to fall, a new view will be revealed: of the large Rosedale mansions, and majestic fir trees. Before long, that first snowfall...

...and the beat goes on.